I was originally going to just put this into comments, but as the comments are quite long now I fear it would just get lost. So you all get one more boring entry, sorry.

When I read the comments from my latest entry to my wife, she turned to me and said "Wow, they've been reading along all this time but they really don't know you any better than that?" What she's referring to is - of course I talked about all this with her. I talked about it with her first before anyone else. And as someone in the comments did catch, she actually does want to go to America. The one who is holding us back in Japan is me, if it had been up to her we'd probably already be in America now.

All the things you guys have pointed out about the possible pitfalls of taking a Japanese wife overseas, I have already thought of and discussed it with her. In fact, her possible difficulties in acclimating have been a big reason why I've stayed in Japan - to better prepare her. We have talked about this, and I feel that her own words to me really sum up the matter perfectly:

"Don't be that worried about my English. No matter how much you teach me here, it'll be completely different over there, right? I mean, you studied in a college - university level courses - for four years, and that didn't make you fluent when you first got here. Besides, there are plenty of Japanese people who go abroad with no English ability whatsoever and learn while there. Immersion is the best method, isn't it? Just being around you and your friends gives me a head start that many Japanese people didn't have when they went overseas.

And as for the culture shock, yeah, I know. I know it will be difficult being away from family and friends and everything I've ever known, in a totally different culture. But, I'm going to feel culture shock no matter how much you try to "prepare" me, right? Same for you - you went through all those orientations and lectures, but you also felt culture shock too. So, its going to hit me no matter what. And when it does hit me, you'll be there to help me just the same as I helped you during your "I hate Japan!" moments, right?

Ultimately, I am an adult and I can make my own decisions. It does us no good to worry about me being okay or not. I know what comes with leaving Japan and going with you to America - and I can make that choice on my own. And I'm choosing to go to America, so as my husband, you'll be there to support and help me with whatever difficulties I face there, right?"

Now you can see why I married this girl.

***

About the job - yes, as I said before, I know that work generally sucks no matter what country you are in. And while I did talk about the Japanese overtime culture, and while some of that applies to my current job...the issues run far, far deeper than that. Nothing is perfect; everything's got its pluses and minuses - you weigh the advantages versus the disadvantages and decide whether its something you want to stick with. With this job, the disadvantages are just way too many.

Many other employees (Japanese or otherwise) have already quit, with many others extremely unhappy and planning to quit when the time is right. The general consensus is that yeah, work sucks; but this is far too extreme a case. Even my wife, who usually defaults on the side of "its not as bad as you think; stick it out!" is saying that I should quit as soon as possible.

Again, I don't really want to get into it too much, so you're all going to have to trust me that its just not a place where you would want to continue working any longer than is absolutely necessary.

***

Since the original posting I have sort of hammered out a plan. While I will keep my eye on the job I really want to do that may or may not open up later this year, when the current job ends, we will probably stay in Japan and I will look for work as.....an English teacher.

Do I want to do English teaching again? Absolutely not. I can still remember the pure euphoria of walking out of my last English class thinking "I'll never have to do THIS again!" But, it is a decent salary, and it should leave enough free time for me to pursue writing. While it does feel like a career regression...honestly, being a translator/division chief now doesn't really help me either if I'm looking to become a writer (aside from being able to claim editing experience I guess). I would like to avoid kids/public school though if at all possible. Ideally, I'd like to teach or even assist or something at a university. I'm not sure how to go about getting a job at a college, but I will start looking into it.

In the meantime, I will probably pick up a second job working at an English conversation school. I really don't want to do this either - what little free time I already have will be reduced to non-existant, and there's the big risk of getting burned out from both jobs. But, I can't ignore the money problem either, and I have to do whatever I can. Work the second job to pay off the wedding and start the savings fund.

This isn't set in stone - it may change depending on conditions, or I may decide I hate it and don't want to do it. But for now, it's a direction at least.

Okay, this is really the last of the boring entries, honest.

Many of you may have noticed that I make it a point to avoid "blog" when making entries here or on Outpost Nine. There are quite a few people doing me the favor of reading; I'd like to give everyone something more entertaining than what I did today, or what TV show I'm interested in, or what random place I went to. But you'll have to forgive me if I slip into a blog post every now and then, and today is one of those occasions.

I've been in Japan for five years now. And I'm at the point where I'm wondering if my time in Japan is at an end.

Continue reading "I Am a Cat"

Is that right, volume 5? I dunno, I've lost count over the years.

I figure, having lived in this country for almost 5 years now, that I've pretty much seen and heard everything. Well, not everything mind you (I don't live in Tokyo), but I think I've had my fair share of knock-you-on-the-floor-WTF moments. From The Greatest Question Ever ("how many women have you raped?"), to Ms. Americanized's "c'mon America, come bomb the shit out of us", and even the one time I was greeted by a 14-year old Japanese girl with "Hey nigga!" only to have the Japanese woman standing next to me exclaim "What the fuck?!", all in English*, I kind of figured there wasn't much else that could phase me anymore.

Boy, was I wrong.

*I'm still amazed that the universe didn't collapse into itself upon this incredibly unlikely sequence of events converging upon each other at one specific point in time.

***

Continue reading "Darndest Things Vol. 5"

Remember in the last update when I said that my wife wanting a baby was serious business? Well, actually, it's far worse than I thought.

Faithful readers may remember that my wife got a little antsy about marriage when her two best friends, K-san and S-san, both got married at more or less exactly the same time. So now, you're probably figuring that either K-san or S-san got knocked up, which is making my wife antsy about the parenthood thing. You would be close, but continuing with the "God Is Conspiring Against Me" theory - actually its something completely different.

Despite the usual Japanese tendency to get a newlywed wife knocked up as soon as possible, both K-san and S-san don't have any buns in the oven yet. Apparently, with S-san's husband working the typical life of a Japanese salaryman, he comes home tired on the weekdays and unable to do anything*, therefore the two only have sex on the weekends. So, no baby yet.

*While I suppose this is a decent sex life, it goes against my fundamental theory of "If I Can, I Will." The theory goes a little something like this - if I can, I will. It really doesn't matter what state I'm in - dead tired, sleepy, drunk, sick, injured, melancholy, emo, retrospective, whatever. I can be on the brink of death - as long as I can rise to the occasion, I'll do it. I didn't even let my broken collarbone break my stride. I think this is the result of me being sexually frustrated all throughout high school, and college for the most part. I'm like a starving Ethiopian child - can't turn your nose up at whatever scraps might come your way, because you never know when the next meal is gonna be.

Continue reading "Baby Blues"

Yes, despite reports to the contrary, I was not dead these past two months. No, rather, the next best thing - I've been working like a Japanese salaryman. Not that I'm putting in long hours anymore, but I no longer have the time to write articles in secret at my desk. I don't always have the luxury to do them at home either. I'd been thinking "Man, I really want to update the site!", but a whole week would go by without me being able to do anything, and the next thing I knew it was a whole two months. Man, time flies.

So, as it seems people are curious, just a few updates as to what's been going on lately. And no, the title of this piece has nothing to do with anything computer related.

***

Yes, I am actually married now.

"But wait," many of your are saying, "didn't you say September?" Yes, yes I did. Funny, that. You see, more or less the instant I proposed to my girlfriend...well, wife now, in her mind we were already married. The rest is just formalities. In my head I'd had a one or two year engagement in mind. She wanted to go ahead and get married in May. I managed to talk her into September. But sometime around January, she said we should go ahead and submit the official paperwork for the actual marriage. ...There really wasn't anything I could say otherwise.

Her: Let's go ahead and put the paperwork in now.
Me: Why rush? We've still got time.
Her: So...you don't want to marry me?
Me: No, I didn't say that. I mean, the actual ceremony won't be until September, so the paperwork can wait, can't it?
Her: So...you don't want to marry me?
Me: No, I mean, its okay to take our time with the paperwork, isn't it?
Her: So...you don't want to marry me?
Me: ....What I meant to say was, we should go ahead and submit the paperwork now.
Her: ^_^

So yes, legally we are all married and stuff. The wedding ceremony though is still set for September. Wedding plans...so far with the event still quite a few months away, there isn't much do to. Right now the big thing is saving money. I'm having to put back pretty much the majority of my paycheck that isn't devoted to bills, and even then I'm not sure I'll be able to save enough. So yes, I am still looking for ways to whore myself out for a few extra yen. And failing that, if nothing else presents itself, I suppose I could teach English. But that's only if the whoring plans never pan out. I have been looking for part-time work, but both the wife and my mother are opposed to the idea for the potential strain it might put on the relationship...so I'm not sure what to do in that regard yet.

Continue reading "System Update"

When I first started my job, I didn't do the translations - I merely checked translations done by other people. The people who were primarily doing the translations were Japanese. As many of you can probably guess, this lead to some hilarious Engrish.

Not to take away from the translators abilities. Japanese and English just don't directly match up, and anyone translating into their non-native language is bound to encounter a few problems. But still, these lines struck me as funny, so I wanted to showcase them. ...Also, in a lot of cases, I think the original Japanese was pretty screwy as well.

And one final note - while the translations for clothes catch-copy sometimes provided for great entertainment, the ones I'm focusing on here are all related to condoms, lube, and sex products. Why? Cause I'm a huge perv. Er, man. Same difference.

***

Continue reading "Very Lost in Translation"

Hey all. Nothing new for Gaijin Smash today, but as I did write a new editorial for Outpost Nine, I thought that those of you who are truly bored at work might want to check it out. Keeping Men Happy is what its called, and its the first dating/relationship themed ed I've done in awhile. Check it out if you're interested, and as more interesting (Japan-themed) stuff happens I'll keep GS updated as well.

As OP9 doesn't feature a comments system, I'll leave them activated on this post for those of you who'd like to add your $0.02 to the discussion.